Recommendations #12: 2010s pop culture, the joy of repeated experiences, personal CRM, and Broadside
READING
Article: The 2010s: will we miss the decade that brought us flower crowns, sneakers and espresso martinis? (The Guardian)
What is it: A semi-satirical article about what a 2010s themed party will look like in the year 2042.
Thoughts: Brigid Delaney is spot on in her analysis about what’s defined pop culture this decade. (Although I’d like to think we’ve all forgotten about Caroline Calloway by 2042.) I’ve been wracking my brains for things she forgot to mention all week, and all I can think of is: YouTube beauty vloggers, highlighted cheekbones, MEMES, Game of Thrones, health aisle foods (quinoa, chia seeds, gluten free snacks), dating apps, drinks in jars, kombucha, wellness, self-care, and commercialised feminism.
Edited excerpt:
Some of the guests look strange, cartoonish almost. They wear exaggerated, stuck-on eyelashes and have painted their eyebrows three inches thick. Their faces have the alien look which we know to be a thing they used to call “fillers”, and under their clothes they’ve stuffed fake bum implants.
Some of the men arrive with Ned Kellys (large, but carefully maintained beards) or hair in a high topknot which they used to call a “man bun” (and we are embarrassed for the people of that era).
Some are dressed as people in professions that no longer exist: Instagram poets, social media managers and emoji designers.
Others have brought pets from the era – English bulldogs and Labradoodles were popular.
Everyone is dancing to grime, alt country and trap music as well as the massive solo stars of the decade. Rihanna, Beyoncé, Ed Sheeran and Adele are all on high rotation, along with Taylor Swift’s 1989.
There’s an alarming number of people seemingly aimlessly doing laps around the perimeter of the party. On closer inspection they are all wearing a strange band on their wrists called a Fitbit and measuring their steps.
“We have to get to 12,000.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, it’s just an arbitrary number we were given.”
Other guests have brought along their selfie sticks and personal drones or very old iPhones (which were enormous back then). They are taking hundreds of photos of themselves at all different angles (weird! gross! why??!!) which they jokingly say they will upload to the now defunct platform of Instagram.
“I’m an influencer!” they say to howls of laughter.
Feature article: For many widows, the hardest part is mealtime (The New York Times)
What is it: An article about the role food and cooking can play when grieving the loss of a partner.
Thoughts: I was brought to tears by this piece, which speaks to several widows who have struggled to resume or update their cooking and eating patterns following the death of their spouse. It also provides advice from experts on how to navigate meal times while grieving by establishing new routines.
Since this article was published, The New York Times have compiled a heartbreaking round-up of reader responses who wrote in to say they relate to this period of grief.
Edited excerpt:
The connection between food and mourning runs deep: In almost every culture or tradition, a community brings dishes to the survivors in the weeks or months after a death. But for a spouse, accustomed to sharing every meal with a partner, the grieving can go on long afterward, renewed constantly by the rhythms of shopping, cooking and eating.
“It’s almost like the sixth stage of grief is cooking alone,” said Jill Cohen, a grief counselor in New York, referring to the now-disputed theory of the Five Stages of Grief, developed by the psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.
In the Chicago suburbs, a free support group called Culinary Grief Therapy directly addresses the link between food and widowhood. (Bereavement counselors now use “widow” as a gender-neutral term, like actor or waiter.)
The three-year-old group grew out of a 2016 study on the difficulties of eating and cooking as a widow. Grocery shopping and preparing meals alone could be painful and overwhelming, the study found, and could often lead widows to skip meals or eat in expensive or unhealthy ways.
Sitting around the table together, talking about what happened during the day: This is what many widows say they miss the most. Some eat on the couch or at restaurants. Without a spouse sitting opposite, the kitchen table can feel unbalanced, a seesaw for one.
“That has to be relearned,” said R. Benyamin Cirlin, the executive director of the Center for Loss & Renewal, a bereavement practice in Manhattan. “Time has to be relearned, now that time of eating is really a sign of one’s changed identity.”
Marie Bright’s husband, Roger, died last year. They ate breakfast together every day at a wooden table in their apartment near Prospect Park in Brooklyn; each would wait until the other was home to eat dinner, even if it meant enduring a grumbling stomach.
Now, even when she goes out with friends, Ms. Bright, 68, still feels she has to be home by 6:30 p.m. Sometimes she orders takeout, but most nights, she’s not hungry.
“I can’t cook,” she said, her voice breaking. “I just can’t.”
Article: The unexpected joy of repeat experiences (The New York Times)
What is it: An article about new research that shows people are more likely to enjoy repeated experiences than they personally expect.
Thoughts: This newsletter may give off the impression I’m always eager to discover new things, when this actually couldn’t be further from the truth. Most days you’ll find me at home watching one of my five favourite TV shows, or listening to a playlist of pop songs from the 90s/2000s.
This is a long winded way of saying I love repeat experiences, so it’s nice to see an article affirming my approach to life.
Article: Managing your friendships, with software (The Atlantic)
What is it: A piece about the rise of personal CRM: apps that help people better manage their personal relationships
Thoughts: I did not know personal CRM (customer relationship management) was a thing until this article. (Actually I didn’t know CRM in general was a thing until this article). I was initially bothered to learn of the many recently-released apps designed to optimise users’ relationships with friends and family. After finishing the article, however, I can’t decide if this software’s existence points to the sadness of modern life, or if it just makes good sense.
One of the writer’s final lines really put things into perspective for me. She says, “Personal-CRM software could be a quick-burning fad, or it could be a conversation we keep having until everyone’s using it and we have to stop pretending it’s so strange—I remember being upset that Facebook provided all of my friends with a cheat sheet, making it impossible to know who could actually remember my birthday without a prompt. Before that, it was sad to admit that the rise of cellphones meant I didn’t have phone numbers memorized anymore.”
More to read…
Why some people make such bad bosses (The Cut)
Unpacking the pinned back ‘pouf’ hairstyle of the mid 2000s (The Cut)
A support group for dealing with millennial grief (The Guardian)
The startup with a five-hour workday (The New York Times)
The unwoke messages of noughties magazines (Work Work Work)
Make it 21: the children in care fighting for extended support beyond the age of 18 (The Age)
Celebrating Thanksgiving when your family relationships are strained (Food52)
Why judging online dating users is smug and outdated (The Age)
LISTENING
Podcast episode: Rage Against the Machine: Feminism and Capitalism by The Wheeler Centre, recorded at Broadside
Image by Sarah Firth
I attended the feminism-focused Broadside festival held recently in Melbourne.
My brain is honestly still trying to process so much of what was discussed. Zadie Smith was wise, modest and hilarious. Tressie McMillan Cottom was one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing from, and Monica Lewinsky’s openness and candour was profound in her off the record interview with Sophie Black.
The most thought provoking session of the festival for me was Rage Against the Machine: Feminism and Capitalism, the recording of which has just been released as a podcast by The Wheeler Centre. The conversation between these incredibly smart and diverse panel of women – Tressie McMillan Cottom, Jia Tolentino. Aminatou Sow, and Fatima Bhutto – truly changed my life in the sense that I’m now trying more than ever to see beyond corporate feminism that thrives on capitalism, and examine how the movement can help to elevate all sections of society. Tressie’s response to moderator Santilla Chingaipe’s first question so intelligently explains this distinction. You can listen to this part specifically from minutes 5-8 of the podcast.
Other notes from this talk:
Economic and human value are not the same thing. Feminism is about human value.
Contrary to society’s current message – everything a woman does is not a feminist action.
Most of the changes currently being fought for won’t be achieved in your lifetime. Your feminism should make you a good ancestor for the next generation.
You can also reflect on these events by viewing artist Sarah Firth’s live, graphic recordings of various Broadside events, including the image posted above.
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